Q:  How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly—–wrinkles?

A:  Take off your glasses and you won’t see them.

Q:  Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A:  Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: “‘Gosh, I remember these.”

You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age…and isn’t breaking any laws.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You make an appointment to see the dentist.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
Neighbors borrow your tools.
People call at 9 pm and ask, “did i wake you?”
You have dreams about prunes.
You send money to PBS.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You know what the word “equity” means.
You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about “good grass” and you’re refering to someone’s lawn.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You got cable just to watch the weather channel.
You go bowling without drinking.
You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.